One could almost hear the palpable sounds of licked chops and popped political boners when Maureen Feeney announced that after 17 years she was opting out of a 10th term and stepping down from the City Council.
As the only District that is guaranteed to have a new councilor come January, I would be remiss if I didn’t write anything about it. The problem is, what do you say when you’re dealing with a variety of boring candidates who lack any known traits crazy enough to be entertaining.
Well, except for maybe perennial door-knocker Doug Bennett, who according to a report from Cara Bayles, at an earlier candidates’ forum promised that “at the end of my two years, I’ll be coming to your house so much, you’ll be feeling like I haunt you.”
“Hey there, you wanted to talk about constituent services?”
So what do voters have to work with?
Aside from taking goofy pictures and making ill-conceived promises, Bennett is a former Selectman from Nantucket, which begs the question: When does an age-old dirty limerick get too old to reference in regards to a political campaign?
We’ve got a civic association veteran, a realtor, a former city employee and union steward, two state rep. aids, possible stalker and Marty Hogan.
As city councilor, one of these lucky candidates will have the privilege of grandstanding, voting on budgets and dealing with constituents who spend more time charting pothole locations in their neighborhood than they do bathing.
John O’Toole is among the favorites to finish in the top two in the Sept. 27 preliminary election. It’s expected that his main rivals for that position are Frank Baker and Craig Galvin.
As pretty much everyone watching the race has put, it’s probably safe to expect a white Irish guy to win.
John O'Toole, Craig Galvin, Frank Baker
Besides being the toothiest candidate, O’Toole is a former president of the Cedar Grove Civic Association meaning he has experience as a leader in the community. He also has the benefit of Feeney’s endorsement.
Galvin is a realtor giving him development street cred and also kind of looks like that poor kid who could only find friends by eating large amounts of horrible shit until it landed him a job as the star of Man vs. Food.
Baker spent 23 years working for the city of Boston’s print department with 10 of those years spent as union steward, giving him solid labor credentials. He is also looks a lot like Christopher Meloni of Oz and Law & Order: SVU fame, which is why it’s confusing when he smiles.
John O'Toole, Craig Galvin, Frank Baker
Stephanie Everett and Marydith Tuitt are the two candidates with experience as legislative aids, Tuitt works for State Rep. Gloria Fox, while Everett worked for State Senator Sonia Chang Diaz until this summer.
In demeanor, Everett presents an almost wild-eyed naiveté to the pragmatic realities of Boston politics, while Truitt at times seems to switch between false smiles and genuine disdain at her surroundings.
There’s often a tendency in municipal politics for candidates to make grandiose promises of how they’re going shake things up at City Hall and immediate get to work reforming a corrupt if not broken system.
In this election, that guy is Marty Hogan, who is campaigning on term limits, tax relief, more cops and fire fighters, and pretty much everything short of promising to put cola in water fountains, to borrow a comparison that David Bernstein thought was significant enough to frame a whole column around, (You know, the one that borrow from this piece from Gintautas Dumcius of the Dorchester Reporter).
The seven candidates have until Sept. 27 to start mudslinging. Until then, I’ll work on trying to stay awake.
